How to create intentions that are authentic. Insights from a meditation retreat focusing on setting meaningful intentions for yourself.
To come up with intentions—ones that stick and aren’t laced with negative motivators—isn’t as tough as it sounds.
At some point in your life, you’ll find yourself wanting to set intentions. Maybe it’s a New Year’s resolution. Or perhaps you’ve ended one chapter of your life to start another and want to shift your mindset.
Advice on this is all over the map, and much of it is bad. You’ll hear that intentions can manifest your dreams or that you can will yourself out of a bad situation. Others will tell you that if you don’t believe hard enough, it won’t happen.
In 2024, I attended a meditation retreat with Eden Tull and Enrique Collazo. Both teachers are deeply practiced and have a wealth of wisdom to draw from. They offered the most sound advice on creating intentions I’ve ever encountered. While the process unfolded over four days, I’ll attempt to distill it into this post.
The process begins with listing your victories, losses, and lessons learned. It encourages self-compassion and thoughtful inquiry into any limiting beliefs you hold, along with understanding the impact of those beliefs. The most powerful aspect of the process was turning those limiting beliefs into an antidote—a declaration you can carry with you.
1. List Your Victories #
Don’t worry about the order or whether something “deserves” to be on the list. Once you’re done, reflect on which ones were the most impactful to you.
In 2024, I had a lot going on, and I filled seven pages of bullet points. That year was full of achievements—things I’d always wanted to do.
2. List Your Losses #
Alongside your wins are your losses. These can be challenging to list, but it’s important to take an objective look and avoid attaching a narrative. Stick to the facts. It might be hard, but you’ll find it worthwhile.
My list took up about two pages.
3. Create Some Self-Compassion #
After listing your losses, take a moment to offer yourself compassion. If you’re like me, you may not do this often, even if you’re quick to offer it to others.
Start by asking yourself: “Which parts of me are here?”
If you’re going through something difficult—like a divorce or a loss—you might notice parts such as:
- The hurt one
- The ruminating one
- The scared one
I think of these as my “inner family,” each part playing a role in my life, complete with its own dynamics. They’re aspects of your personality, not your entire identity. Other examples might include:
- The doer
- The fixer
- The helper
- The parent
- The child
During a session, I shared how my drive to achieve and solve sometimes steals joy from the present moment. The instructors reframed this kindly, reminding me these are parts of me—not my whole identity. The distinction is subtle but profound: what you’ve lost or gone through is not your identity. You may be a survivor, but you’re also much more. Defining yourself solely by these things can make it harder to embrace other aspects of who you are.
Next, ask yourself what you’d say to these parts if they were loved ones. To the hurt one, you might say: “You did your best. I love you. Keep going.” To the ruminating one: “You have five minutes of my attention. Say what you need to, and then we’re moving on.”
Treat these parts with loving-kindness. Pushing them away only strengthens their hold.
4. Not All Compassion Is Gentle #
While kindness is essential, not every part of you requires gentleness. Sometimes, you must be firm—what the instructors called “fierce compassion.”
Consider when a beloved pet is doing something potentially destructive to them or something else. You may shout to make them stop. It isn’t because you don’t love them, but sometimes gentleness doesn’t cut it.
Some aspects of yourself need similar decisive boundaries. Parts that might need this include:
- The hurtful one
- The hateful one
- The destructive one
- The vengeful one
Anything destructive to yourself or others doesn’t deserve the spotlight. Fierce compassion ensures guilt, shame, or resentment don’t take root.
5. List Your Major Lessons From 2024 #
Synthesize your victories, losses, and insights from self-compassion. Here are two examples from my own list:
- “You can give all your love and sacrifice everything for someone, but it’s not guaranteed to fix the situation. Love is limitless, but its power isn’t.”
- “Hold your boundaries.”
Avoid clichés or Hallmark-style sentiments. This is for you, not for show.
6. Identify Your Limiting Beliefs #
To uncover these beliefs, ask: “Does this limit my agency, intelligence, or autonomy?”
This step requires deep reflection. Examples of limiting beliefs might include:
- “To be loved, I must hide my flaws.”
- “I am broken by default.”
- “Working hard enough can solve any problem.”
Address the Impact of These Beliefs #
Examine how each belief affects your relationships—with yourself, others, and your work. For example: does a hyperactive problem-solver in you sap joy from the present moment? (I speak from experience.)
7. What’s Your Heart’s Desire? #
Having identified your lessons, losses, and limiting beliefs, ask yourself: What do I truly want? What feels most authentic? Examples might include:
- “To be free, safe, and light.”
- “To show up in the spirit of collective transformation.”
Tender, profound, or even mundane—what matters is its authenticity.
8. Ask What You Need to Let Go Of #
Reflect on your losses and limiting beliefs. What blocks your heart’s desire? Is it attachment to outcomes? Unrealistic expectations? The idea that problems are solvable without acceptance?
List a few. Keep it to five or fewer.
9. Create an Antidote #
Turn a limiting belief into a declaration. For instance, if your belief is “Working hard enough can solve any problem,” the antidote might be: I meet all that life presents me from a place of peace and strength.”
Here’s another example. If your limiting belief is that you won’t be accepted for who you are unless you hide the flaws, your declaration may be “I allow myself to be seen and loved as I am.”
Write it as if it’s already true. Avoid negative motivators or wishful thinking.
Closing #
Intentions are powerful. They’ve unquestionably changed my life. But remember, they can’t guarantee outcomes. You can’t wish yourself out of hardship, nor fake it until you make it.
That’s why declarations like “I meet all that life presents me from a place of peace and strength" matter. They don’t eliminate problems—they help you face them without needless suffering.
Intentions aren’t magic. They’re a permission slip to be your authentic self. Write yours down. Post it somewhere visible. Let it be a touchstone in your mindfulness practice.